found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
