If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
