mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
