Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
