Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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