my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
