You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
