i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I could fuck to npr.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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