If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
zippers are such a cool invention
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
