We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it's like iHOP with fire
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
