You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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