question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
