We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
