please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
