I need help removing her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
