Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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