he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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