And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
