my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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