I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
