I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love you. Go after that dick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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