just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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