I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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