After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
