booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
