Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
