I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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