i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
