I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
