Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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