i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
