So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
