the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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