I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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