dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
