I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
