Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
