so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
