I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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