I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
