my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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