My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
