Don't make out with my wife yet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
