he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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