I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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