at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
