so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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