we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
