I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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