The maid of honor just puked.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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