Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
