So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
