Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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