I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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