You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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