the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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